Why Are There No Moms in Disney Movies?

Think about it. No moms in Disney movies. The Little Mermaid, Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Pinocchio, The Jungle Book, Oliver and Company, Pocahontas, Aladdin, Mulan? Sure, some Disney movies had moms, and there are some altogether orphans on that list, but those named above are the most famous and there's no mom in sight.

And what of the moms we have seen? Bambi's mom was tragically shot (a hysterical first movie-theater experience for me, I'm told- 3 years old and standing up in my chair bellowing a deep-hearted lament at the horror and injustice). Simba had a mom in the Lion King, but of course his father was murdered, by his own brother no less, which was blamed on Simba- resulting in years of exile during which he developed a Peter Pan complex. Speaking of which, Peter Pan ran away, so I guess that's his own fault. Sleeping Beauty had a mom, but was forced to live to adulthood without her, and Dumbo had a mom, though they were both out casted by their community. Why? Because she believed in diversity and difference, essentially.

I have often wondered, having this awareness; is it only a coincidence, or does Disney have some vendetta against the Sacred Feminine? Or could it possibly be a bold statement by Disney that we have lost the nurturing, creative, intuitive power of feminine energy in this "man's world."
Somehow, I don't feel moved to give Disney such philosophically and spiritually complex status. Then again, their very slogan is "Where Dreams Come True," despite the odds we may be up against. But whose dreams? And in what world?

I love fairy tales...maybe a little too much for a grown woman of almost thirty years. So coming from me, it's saying a lot that whatever life lessons and developmental insight might be laden in Disney films, there's a whole lot of questionable ideas being planted into our little one's heads. For the ladies listed above, there are but three qualities on which their survival and perseverance rely: unbelievable physical beauty, ignorant bliss, and generosity of spirit. The last is certainly the most encouraging, but still it has the troublesome air of one who is constantly at the disposal and service of others. Then again, when the only goal you have in life is to be rescued and then married to a prince, there's plenty of time left over for working for others- whether by choice or by force.

Of course, all these tales include the ancient path to wisdom and initiation, beginning with loss of innocence, followed by adventures in the underworld (that which seeks to destroy you)- the quest for retrieval- and culminating in return to one's true destiny. I like to think if a modern day mother were present in these films, they might tell their daughters that their destiny included much much more than a dude on a horse whose only goal in life is to find you- perhaps slaying some dragons along the way so that you will be even more inclined to be tirelessly in his service for eternity.

And maybe if those same modern moms were there for the princes, they would explain to them that women want much more than to be of service to them, that they have suffered wounds and neglect by the culture (often depicted, of course, as an evil, ego-maniacal woman) that you may not understand, but which indeed wage battle on their souls at times as they try to reconcile their sacredness with their global second-class status.

Perhaps the absence of moms- or parents at all- can remind us of the importance of presence and thoughtfulness in the lives of children, particularly in what they watch. The hero's journey is not meant to be easy, but many indigenous tales, for example, are a whole lot less sexist. As much as these days a lot is changing in this regard, and despite my own sweet memories of escaping into Disney-fantasy-trance-land, shame on Disney for being so rich in resources and yet so multi-dimensionally impoverished.

Why Don't Americans Take Vacations?

Cultural values are much more revealing than simple personal choice as to why Americans don't take much time off. Knowing where we're coming from might help us get where we're going- in this case, hopefully a vacation! At the very least, seriously chill out down time...

For eight consecutive years, Expedia.com has conducted their Vacation Deprivation Survey this year reporting 460 million unused US vacation days. Not only do their findings show a great deficit in American's will to take a breather, it also points out that Americans are granted far fewer vacation days by their employers than many other developed nations (the US has on average 14). France, Germany, the UK and Spain range between 26 and 37! Additionally, these nations use more, if not all, of their provided days off. And get this, when we are working, two in five of us are working over 40 hours per week.

I wish I could say these facts and questions only apply to those in 9 to 5's in the corporate world, but I have observed in myself as well as in my less traditional group of friends just as much evidence of workaholic tendencies, self-deprivation of dong-nothingness and a generally classic American "I'm so busy" mantra. . . meaning those ecclectic, unconventional types out there aren't off the hook.

So why are Americans so work-hungry, and subsequently relaxation-starved? Our ancestors came to the US with big dreams and hard work ethics. What cultural values grew from this and do they need rethinking in the modern world?

The Meaning of Time

How often have you said "There's not enough time in the day," "Time is money," "I've wasted so much time," or "I like to spend my time doing...". Most of us forget that not every culture in the world uses this type of language around time. For us, time is a commodity, something almost material and quantitative. When we fill a day with tasks well done, we feel confident we've "used our time well." When we don't (and often this is reflected by days when we simply don't do anything but watch movies or sit in the yard with a beer), we feel a bit guilty and may say or feel we wasted the day.


For many other cultures, however, time with family and friends, ample time spent eating, or time just doing nothing but watching the birds are an integral part of life. For these cultures time tends to be experienced in a more qualitative, ongoing way. This largely reflects a "future-oriented" US culture, opposed to a more "past-oriented" culture, such as Italy or Spain[i]. Americans are more likely to structure time on a straight line, focusing on what must be done today for the good of tomorrow, striving to make the most of the (limited) time we have. More past or present-oriented cultures will tend to see life on a more circular continuum, and though certainly hard working, do not necessarily relate at all to time as something "running out." Indeed, for many cultures, wasting time would mean not enjoying all of the "good things in life."


Individualism

The US is known to be the most individualistic culture in the world.[ii] We love being independent. Parents often say to their children, "Wow! Did you do that all by yourself?" It hardly occurs to us this may not be an easily translatable phrase. We tend to credit the individual more than the society for their contributions and work. Americans value highly original thought and believe it is each person's responsibility to look after themselves.


Many other cultures are more "collective." They often have tight relations and obligations to a large, extended family. Individual successes may be valued less than a group's accomplishments. In this way, a person with a successful career by US standards may not be regarded as highly by a more relational culture (where disregard for family and recreational needs or overemphasis on work might actually be ridiculed or frowned upon).


So, how independent are you? There has been a lot of research recently as to whether Americans have become so individualistic that we feel isolated, like an island unto ourselves and are afraid to ask for even the simplest aid. In a culture so centered on an “every man for himself” paradigm, not only do we feel the competitive threat that we may be left behind if we're running off on "silly" vacations, but family, friends and work perhaps are unlikely to support each other during absences or doing-nothingness times.


The Doers of the World

Every culture in the world, along with their way of relating to time, has a way of relating to activity, that’s to say, what we’re doing with our time. And boy, are Americans ever doers! We fill our calendars to the brim- even for our kids! - and then some. In an extreme case, I heard of someone “penciling in” some time with their mother! When we have a free moment, we are likely to even then be doing something active: surfing the web, doing chores, working on a hobby project. It seems we really, as a culture anyway, have no idea how to do nothing.


In her book "Eat, Pray, Love," author Elizabeth Gilbert begins her world-wide trip in Italy just to investigate and learn about doing nothing. For many other cultures- Italy and France are great examples- this is not only why one works, but is an absolute prerequisite to a fulfilling life, and considered a great skill. That goes to show that, especially in this fast-paced world with a million distractions, taking time off is a practice and can take time to master. Is it affecting their life negatively, all this non-doing? The French live longer than Americans, and both nations suffer far less from anxiety, depression and other related diseases.


America is an achievement, goal-oriented society with a ton of emphasis on success.[iii] We feel fairly invincible generally in our ability to overcome any obstacle, whereas many other cultures see obstacles as a part of life. It’s a great pleasure to let things unfold as they will at times, and in the meantime, to do nothing at all! If only we could see doing nothing as doing something, maybe we'd feel less guilty about it….How often do you find yourself listing all the things you “got done” over the weekend, or activities you packed in. Try saying, next Monday morning, in the competitive air of who did more with their time off, “I didn’t anything at all,” and note the reaction. Is it envied by others or does it solicit the "huh" look?


Turn it Off!

An interesting finding of the Expedia survey was that 24% of Americans check voicemail and email during vacation. Just a few short decades ago, this wasn’t even possible. How often have you or friends interrupted a serious, important discussion simply to check your phone? It's important to look at the habits that form, rather quickly at that, in our lives with regards to technology and to weigh their usefulness. It’s up to us to decide as a society if we will allow technology to become more freeing or more demanding of our time.


Finding Balance

All of these ideas lend themselves to why Americans don’t take their vacations. Rather than polarize the above cultural characteristics as good or bad, it’s much more useful to celebrate the positive aspects of each norm and hold their more negative ones accountable. Here are some examples:

-The fact that we look ahead with great spirit and hard work has made the US an innovative leader, with contagious optimism. However, let the phrase “stop and smell the roses” be your mantra. May it never lose its charm.

-Look at your schedule and do some weeding. What’s absolutely essential? What could go? And what relaxing, low-energy activities appeal to you most. Is it baths? Sitting on the beach? Reading a good book on a hammock, or making a delicious meal with friends? (warning: Farting around on facebook or the internet in general is not doing nothing). Use these revelations whenever you feel lost as to how to “do nothing.” Furthermore, consult yourself as to how you view doing nothing. Are you cool with it, or do you give yourself a hard time for it?

-Talk to coworkers and employers about time off, what if feels like to everyone, how it affects the company and how everyone might be better supported in taking vacations. See Expedia’s survey for more ideas on this.

-Remember that we all need each other, and that no dream (or dream vacation) happens by virtue of our work and energy alone. When you hear a friend say “I want to get away, if only I didn’t (e.g. have a dog, so much housework)”- offer to watch the dog, or remind them gently that everyone needs time off. And remind yourself while you’re at it!

-Ask your boss and loved ones: What are my (your) expectations of my availability in a world where, in theory, everyone can be available at any time, and why do you have these expectations? There is an incredible sense of freedom when you kiss your phone/computer/blackberry- whatever- goodbye, even for an afternoon- I promise!! So be a rebel- try it out and...

-Turn off communication devices during down time, on vacations or while spending time with family.

-And just for inspiration and amusement, check this out: The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun

Surprisingly, Americans, according to the survey, generally feel rejuvenated and better about work after vacations. Numerous health studies show that it is to our benefit to stop and relax and that doing so often increases! overall productivity. Being practical generally, perhaps it's time for Americans to rework the phrase “time well spent” to include vacations, and otherwise non-doing moments.

[i] Based on the research of Kluckhohn and Strodtbeck, 1961 and Kohls, 1996
[ii] Based on research by Geert Hofstede, 1984
[iii] Based on the research of Kluckhohn and Strodtbeck, 1961 and Kohls, 1996

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Comedy of Errors

The older I get, the deeper into my meditation I go, the more I think life really often is such a comedy of errors...I think Shakespeare understood everything. I, and maybe many of us, spend oceans of mental energy trying to "figure things out," placing events and emotions into the right categories in our library of experience. The trouble is, they begin to overlap; they are clever escape artists to, what experience would view if it were a person, the prison of dichotomy. Ironically, I find that the errors, which we try so earnestly to avoid or plot to derail, are really the stuff of dreams, the richest moments in our lives, where our hearts are available to the massive range of human emotions. Hence the epic comedy.

When I reflect on my mind-space, I see that so often I forget to be present...I am somewhere in the past or somewhere in the future. It will be such a great accomplishment in my life- in all our lives- if I could one day be so firmly present that I hear everything, that I operate through listening more than thinking, that I find deep, thorough peace because nothing has been left undone and there is nothing left to do...no matter how busy or exciting or driven or full of things my life is, that still, I am first and foremost 'being', compassionately living right now, un-distracted by what I might be or what I once was...

Rainer Maria Rilke, who also understood the equal worth of sadness and longing and anger to that of love and hope and comfort, wrote (in "Letters to a Young Poet") to his troubled friend, begging him to "be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now." He is not the first to say such things.

I admit to being a bit of a passivist, at times preferring to downplay rich and sticky conflict, despite for years feeling aware and dedicated to embracing it. But even as we embrace it, we judge it: this is bad, this is uncomfortable (with our lovers as with our distant enemies) and so, let's fix it, let's understand it right out of existence. One of my favorite sayings is slowly becoming "let's agree to disagree." I would like to add to it, "let's agree to not understand." I used to kind of hate the phrase; I thought it kind of breathed conscious cop-out, a haunting passive aggressive back door. But I see now how it validates the unquestionable human condition of contention. It gives license to the darkness and confusion to go ahead and exist. It is deeply affirming, especially when said with a genuine smile.

I don't always know how it will feel, to walk into conflict, to embrace emotionally volatile situations, or even to sift through the general blues. But I'd like to say that, as I am more skilled now than before, I will become even more adept at not trying to answer all the questions. Of not trying to "figure things out." Of being content in whatever mood or circumstance is presented, without trying to either grab hold and make it stay or by plotting its eradication. I'd like to one day say that I welcome the muck as much as the sun...

In fact there is a saying, "No mud, no lotus," as the lotus only can grow out of the stinkiest, deepest, most unsavory mud. Why is this the way? We may never know, but we can see the dreamy humor in it. We can celebrate that the lotus, somehow, does grow...and we can take refuge in that knowledge and in so honor and laugh at our soaked and dirty clothes...

I'm going to really try to hold that space more often, in all the different pockets of my life...and see the comedy in trying to figure out perceived errors, and commit myself to seeing and hearing them while setting them free from having to fess up to the serious, un-playful professor in my mind. She is the voice that always wants everything defined, that is quick to blame and who encourages competition. She is the voice who forgets that some mysteries are meant to be lived- that understanding and defining them pale in comparison to the importance of their presence in our lives.

I don't always know how to be like this, but I know that whenever in my life I'm just there, just present with what is, open and curious, I feel relaxed in the most all-together authentic, blissful way. I am available, without expectations and agenda, to the universe.

pondi.

Sounds of the Indigo Years: Music to Hear: Vol.2

Although a little late, "Sounds of the Indigo Years: Music to Hear" has returned to offer you another fantastic, progressive and of course lesser known gem of musical brilliance to be shared and savored...

This week's pick: Cecilia Zabala- an enchanting singer and guitarist from Argentina, bestowing incredible vocals which range from soothing, Gilberto-esque romantic undulations to more experimental vocal acrobats, all accompanied by a beautiful range of warm and easy to more clipped and energetic guitar playing.

I was lucky enough to have met her when she was touring with my uncle for the International Guitar Night tour, an annual U.S. tour bringing together artists in contemporary classical guitar from around the world. However, don't judge too quickly, whether you enjoy this genre or not...for she escapes classification.

She has two albums and you can check her out at www.myspace.com/ceciliazabala

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What an incredible time to be alive musically! So, I offer you a weekly 'check this out' opportunity to expand your musical horizons and check out what's out there. Suggestions for future additions are most welcome. I've named it "Sounds of the Indigo Years" after the so-called Indigo Children. To learn more about them (perhaps us), you can check things out at Wikipedia (in this case it's a good summary).

Basically, it is named "Sounds of the Indigo Years" on the notion that never before have people been so able and open to connect with and explore other cultures, no matter which culture(s) you belong to, through music. Through that connection, this rich musical age- whether by default or intentionally- I believe is improving the world. Listen close.
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Asfinkter sez whaa?

I came across this joke recently:
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks one language? American.

Right. Why is it that Americans in general are so unconcerned with this particular skill? How is it that a nation whose citizens represent an incredibly rich collective heritage of different languages could become so aloof and dispassionate on this subject, resulting in one of the most linguistically limited societies in the world. Worse, is our mono-linguistic preference in part fueling that stereotypical but pervasive presumption that Americans are one-dimensional, dense, oblivious- to say the least? Are we doomed to ride the globe’s linguistic short bus, or are our shortcomings balanced by our strengths just like anywhere else?

Unfortunately, the discourse surrounding second language education in the U.S., at least between ‘average’ citizens, tends to include two parts. First, there is the “[They] should learn English if [they] want to live/work in America,” bit, referring to immigrants and refugees living and working here (or even with international associates with whom Americans wish to do business!). The second part of the narrative includes the disinterest in adding or strengthening language programs in our schools and the exceedingly bleak notion that “English is the most spoken language on earth; everyone is learning it or wants to learn it, so why should we waste money/time learning other languages.”

This may be a worst-case scenario, representing the most apathetic, narrow opinions toward second language learning in the U.S. today. However, based on our present education system (and its lack of funding/support/programs in second language learning), these assumptive statements above are not so far from the mainstream view.

Ironically, many others around the world are indeed learning English, but that is in addition to already possessing a native tongue, often as well as other languages. I don’t have a single international friend who doesn’t speak two or more languages. The number of required English language programs, starting children as early as age 5, in schools globally is staggering even compared to a short decade ago. In the next several decades, as these children grow up, we will see a significant growth in the number of world-wide English speakers. In this way, their horizons, their potential and their opportunities expand. By default, so will those of some Americans. But it would be foolish to entertain even a trace of the notion that this is happening to accommodate or ascribe to the mono-linguistic American culture and its business world. Quite the opposite: It is for their or their nation’s own advancement in our shrinking global world.

Even if we should never step off of American soil, increasingly will the successful and indispensable person be one who possesses more than one speaking language. What are we doing to expand the horizons and opportunities for our children via second language education in a world increasingly interdependent?

Language is not only a means for communication. It is a cognitive phenomenon which no less than defines for us what our relationship to the world will be, where its boundaries can be found, and perhaps most importantly on this subject, how boundaries can become permeable, dynamic, creative. When we are children, we pick up language much more quickly than as adults, yet in the U.S., we don’t even introduce (by and large) second language until middle school, when our linguistic learning abilities have already greatly diminished. Because we are an isolated nation, language also serves as a kind of sailboat…a stationary adventure out into the world...

The awareness that others speak other languages is not enough to impress upon the American citizen that not only do others speak differently, they think differently, believe differently, solve differently, live differently. That translation involves maps, not tracings. That to learn another language, whether consciously or not, is to learn another way of thinking, and therefore of perceiving the world. In doing so, we not only make deals and sign contracts; we open gate upon gate to deeper understanding, wisdom and conscious celebration of diversity.



pondi.

Comment on Comments

For some odd cybertastic reason, I can't seem to add a comment link to the first two posts, but now it seems to be magically working. Please add any comments to my first two posts below. Thanks!

Sounds of the Indigo Years: Music to Hear

What an incredible time to be alive musically! So, I offer you a weekly 'check this out' opportunity to expand your musical horizons and check out what's out there. Suggestions for future additions are most welcome. I've named it "Sounds of the Indigo Years" after the so-called Indigo Children. To learn more about them (perhaps us), you can check things out at Wikipedia (in this case it's a good summary). Basically, the idea is that from the 1960's and continuing now, many children have been born with a predominately "indigo" aura. This, it is anciently told, carries some specific characteristics.

For example, the Indigo Children are said to be highly intuitive, able to sense the thoughts and feelings of others...they are considered intrinsically empathic, and therefore are likely to come to adulthood with a strong will to aid and improve the world. They are traditionally out-of-the-box thinkers who are suspicious of unchecked power or authority. They are also said to be linked with the mystical 3rd eye vision.

"Sounds of the Indigo Years", therefore, I've named for the notion that never before have people been so able and open to connect with and explore other cultures, no matter which culture(s) you belong to, through music. Through that connection, this rich musical age- whether by default or intentionally- I believe is improving the world. Listen close.

This week's pick: NIYAZ: Experience the beautiful, remarkable voice of Azam Ali and her band including tabla, bass, keyboards and oud. They blend ancient Sufi poetry and old world folk ballads from Persia with new world trance electronica sound. Haunting and delicious, Ali's vocals stir the heart and the music begs for dancing. Check out their website www.niyazmusic.com here">

Special thanks to Brian Treleaven and his aunt Jackie, who tuned me in to the Indigo Child phenomenon and seem to be under the impression that I am one, along with Brian and many others we know and love :)
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